Yeh laDkiyaaN shamshaan tak aa naheeN saktee, lekin pahunchaa zaroor sakteeN haiN

Film : Woodstock Villa
Year of release : 2008
Spoken by : Kaleem Bhai (Gulshan Grover)
Spoken to : Sameer (Sikander Kher)

Gulshan Grover here playing another interesting character called Kaleem Bhai. He is a don who is owed money by the hero Sameer. Sameer is of course a philanderer and takes a needlessly healthy interest in women. On one such collection call, Kaleem Bhai leaves Sameer with a warning.

"jaate jaate kaleem bhaai kee naseehat sun le. ye laDkiyaan shamshaan tak aa naheeN saktee lekin pahunchaa zaroor sakteeN haiN"
"जाते जाते कलीम भाई की नसीहत सुन ले. ये लड़कियाँ शम्शान तक आ नहीं सकती, लेकिन पहुँचा ज़रूर सकतीं हैं"

Isme aapkaa dosh naheeN...meree soorat hee aisee hai

Film : Awaara
Year of release : 1951
Spoken by : Raj (Raj Kapoor)
Spoken to : Rita (Nargis)

This is Raj's oft-repeated line in this movie. You can call it his 'takiaa qalaam'. Raj is a tramp - an aawaara - who steals for a living. One fine day, he snitches Rita's purse from a crowded market place. He bumps into her as he is doing this. Since he is dressed as a tramp, Rita heaps scorn on him. When she discovers that her purse is missing, she is distraught. She starts running in the direction where she thinks the thief might have gone. Raj pretends to chase the thief and while chasing this thief he jumps over a high wall and pretends to fight with the imaginary thief before bringing back the purse to Rita. He is almost exposed, as a curious Rita tries to climb the wall to see what's going on. But she is unable to scale the wall and hence Raj escapes detection. When he hands the purse back to Rita, she is contrite as she had treated him with contempt a while back. Raj says

"IsmeN aapkaa dosh naheeN memsaab; merii soorat hee aisee hai. Aur to aur kabhee kabhee police bhee dhokhaa khaa jaatee hai"
"इसमें आपका दोष नहीं मेमसाब; मेरी सूरत ही ऐसी है. और तो और कभी कभी पुलिस भी धोखा खा जाती है"

Years later I remember reading an interview (perhaps by the late Bunny Reuben) where Raj was asked what went wrong between him and Nargis. Raj is reported to have said

"Perhaps she did not find me handsome enough"

I guess Raj had this desire to get all audience sympathy directed towards him by hook or by crook. Probably the reason why after Andaaz, he was so desperate to do Sangam with Dilip. The final choice for that role in Sangam - Rajender Kumar - was quite miffed at the way Raj tried to corner all the sympathy in Sangam. I see no other reason why a very fair, slim, 26 year young man with blue eyes should mouth a line like this in India - and get away with it.

I remember, Cary Grant used to say that he would tell every woman that he was impotent and that made them all the more eager to prove him wrong. This seems to be a similar trick. So, if you are handsome and suffer from the same complex that Raj did, use this line. I can't use it. You see the line kind of loses its punch if mouthed by someone ugly. :)

इसमें आपका दोष नहीं मेमसाब; मेरी सूरत ही ऐसी है

Neech aadmii bhee vohee kaam karte haiN jo shareef karte haiN

Film : Daag

Year of release : 1973

Spoken by : Dheeraj Kapoor (Prem Chopra)

Spoken to : Sonia (Sharmila Tagore)

This lesser known film directed by the other and now very famous Chopra - Yash Chopra, is now remembered as the film which marked Kader Khan's debut. He features as a lawyer in a sneeze-and-you-will-miss-me role.

Sonia (Sharmila) and Sunil kohli (Rajesh Khanna) are newly weds who have come to Kulu where Sunil has landed a new job with Kapoor Industries (whose owners are Jagdish Kapoor i.e. Shivadasani and his son Dheeraj Kapoor i.e. Prem Chopra). They have been put up in Kapoor’s house. Dheeraj casts his evil eye on Sonia. He pretends he has come into her room to take out some cash from the safe. He then heaps a few bundles together in his arms and asks her to hold them for a moment. When she does that, he says

"Agar ye saare note aapko de diye jaayeN to kaisa rahegaa?"

"अगर ये सारे नोट आपको दे दिये जायें तो कैसा रहेगा?"

She suddenly understands his intentions and says

"nikal jaaiye mere kamre se"

Dheeraj advances threateningly towards her. Sonia says

"maine to aapko ek shareef aadmi samjhaa thaa, aap to bilkul neech nikle"

"मैने तो आपको एक शरीफ़ आदमी समझा था, आप तो बिलकुल नीच निकले"

He retorts with

"neech aadmi bhee vohee kaam karte haiN jo shareef karte haiN"

"नीच आदमी भी वोही काम करते हैं जो शरीफ़ करते हैं"

and moves on to molest her. You have to see the leer on his face when he says that. Bang on Mr Prem Chopra and so true.

Agar maarnaa ho to bolne kee zaroorat kyaa hai

Film : Satya

Year of release : 1998

Spoken by : Satya (Chakravarthy)

Spoken to : Bhiku Mhatre (Manoj Bajpai)

An attack is made on the life of Bhiku and his men. All the attackers are killed except one. After interrogating him, Bhiku discovers that it was Gurunarayan (another gangster who had not openly come out as his rival) who had ordered the killing. An angry Bhiku loses control and shouts

"Suar ko ghar meN ghus ke maaregaa maiN"

"सूअर को घर में घुस के मारेगा मैं"

At this point in time, Bhiku has only reacted and has not seriously considered the possibility of killing Gurunarayan. It is almost like we would threaten a close friend with murder. But a very serious and sober Satya converts that reaction statement to an action statement by asking a very germane question.

"Agar maarnaa ho, to bolne kee zaroorat kyaa hai?"

"अगर मारना हो, तो बोलने की ज़रूरत क्या है?"

One of the perennial problem with a lot of people is all talk and no action - which incidentally shortens to a famous Carnatic Raag ATANA. A resolute Satya here is talking of 'Direct Action' - something of the kind Jinnah had proposed.

There are two theories here - one which says that you should not disclose your intentions when you decide to do something. There are others who, like Babe Ruth's famous called shot, believe in saying something and doing it. But at the moment to me, Satya's logic seems stronger

"अगर मारना हो, तो बोलने की ज़रूरत क्या है?"

Afsos ke log doodh se bhee jal jaate haiN

Film : Paakeezah
Year of release : 1972
Spoken by : Salim Ahmed Khan (Raaj Kumar)
Spoken to : Hakim saahab (Sapru)

Paakeezah is another film where the writing has what we call 'nafaasat' - a kind of finesse which is very rare in Hindi films. Salim is in front of his family patriarch who has objected to his bringing Saahib Jaan (Meena Kumari) home without determining her pedigree. He has had a similar experience with Shahabuddin (Ashok Kumar) who had, many years ago, brought a woman called Nargis (Meena Kumari again) home. So he says

"Jo log doodh se jal jaate haiN, wo chhaachh bhee phoonk phoonk kar peete haiN"
"जो लोग दूध से जल जाते हैं, वो छाछ भी फूंक फूंक कर पीते हैं"

A visibly irritated Salim retorts with this great line

"Afsos ke log doodh se bhee jal jaate haiN"
"अफ़सोस के लोग दूध से भी जल जाते हैं"

He is referring to the benign nature of milk and using it to hit back at his grandfather's proverb.

This Hindi equivalent of 'once bitten twice shy" is oft used by people. So if it is used in a situation where you disagree, go ahead and say

"अफ़सोस के लोग दूध से भी जल जाते हैं"

Inkaa exam hai?

Film: Vivaah

Year of release: 2006

Spoken by : Rahul (Ameya Pandya)

Spoken to : Bhavna (Lata Sabharwal)

I found it very difficult to watch this film. Not because it wasn't a nice film. It was. Not because the performances were not good. They were. But while watching the film, my brain kept rejecting everything thrown at it. The songs were atrocious. Hard to fathom why Suraj chose Daddu (Ravindra Jain) for the music. Suraj says it is because he could write lines like 'samarpan kee belaa' to describe the first night meeting. I wonder why he couldn't have outsourced the music at least. Coming back to the post, this is the scene where Prem (Shahid Kapoor) and Poonam (Amrita Rao) meet for the first time. Bhavna (Prem's bhabhee) decide to leave them alone and take little Rahul (Prem's nephew) also along. Before leaving them, Bhavna says - 'all the best'.

Little Rahul is perplexed and asks

"inka exam hai?"

"इनका इग्ज़ॅम है?"

One of the few genuine mirthful moments of the film. With films like Return of the Jewel Thief, you can laugh at them, if not with them. But in movies like Vivaah, even that is not possible without feeling guilty. You run the risk of being dubbed as heartless and emotionless.

MaiN tumheN is tarah Khaamosh naheeN hone dooNgaa

Film : Anand

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Dr Bhaskar (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Anand Sehgal (Rajesh Khanna)

This is the climax scene of the tear-jerker Anand. Still manages to clean my eyes out, though I would have seen it over 100 times.

Anand is bed-ridden and about to breathe his last. Suddenly a desperate Dr Bhaskar tells Dr Prakash Kulkarni (Ramesh Deo) that Dr Shastri (who is a cancer specialist) might have found some new miraculous cure for the disease and rushes out to Dr. Shastri's house. A dying Anand begs Bhaskar to stay, as he knows that it is futile to find a cure at this late stage. Even Prakash tells Bhaskar not to be foolish and stay with Anand during his dying moments. But a stubborn Bhaskar goes anyway.

While Bhaskar is away, Anand is dying and asks for Bhaskar. When he realises that Bhaskar is not there, he asks Prakash to play the tape which has Bhaskar's and his voice. It is the same "maut too ek kavita hai" poem in Bhaskar's voice which ends with the "zindagi aur maut to oopar waale..." dialogue (which you can read here). If you have seen the scene, you would remember that between Bhaskar's poem and Anand's dialogue there is a long interlude when Anand is figuring out what he should say. In fact, Bhaskar has to goad him with the famous 'tumhe bhee bolnaa paDegaa bolne ke liye" dialogue (Read it here). This interlude is used very cleverly in the climax.

So as Anand listens to the poem on death in his friend Bhaskar's voice, he dies with a last scream of "babu moshaai". There is a hushed silence all around. This is broken by Bhaskar who bursts into the room with

"Prakash, Dr. Shastri..."

He breaks off as he realises that Anand is dead. He turns to the supine form of his friend and delivers those great lines which will give you gooseflesh even if you are part human. Full humans beware.

"naheeN ...maiN tumheN is tarah Khamosh naheeN hone dooNgaa"

"नहीं...मैं तुम्हें इस तरह ख़ामोश नहीं होने दूंगा"

"Chhah maheene se tumhaaree bak bak sun rahaa hooN maiN"

"छह महीने से तुम्हारी बक बक सुन रहा हूं मैं"

"bol bol ke meraa sar khaa gaye ho tum. bolo...baateN karo mujhse - baateN karo mujhse - baateN karo mujhse"

"बोल बोल के मेरा सर खा गये हो तुम. बोलो...बातें करो मुझसे - बातें करो मुझसे - बातें करो मुझसे"

That's when the tape interlude ends and Anand's voice rings out from the Sony tape recorder. For a moment, everyone feels that the prankster in Anand has actually come to the fore. In a moment they realise, it is only the tape. That's when the words dry up and everyone breaks down. Great scene.