thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho

Film : Baap Numberi Beta Dus Numberi

Year of release : 1990

Spoken by : Raman (Kader Khan)

Spoken to : Postman (Ram Sethi)

One of the hit conman capers from the Bollywood stable. In this scene, the postman asks Raman for a tip (baKhsheesh) after delivering a money order. Raman who is quite impecunious at all times, makes this telling comment. 

"thook meN bhajiyaa tal rahe ho"

"थूक में भजिया तल रहे हो"

Jo haath angaare ko chhupaaye, angaaraa usee haath ko jalaa detaa hai

Film : Zanjeer

Year of release : 1973

Spoken by : Inspector (Satyen Kappoo)

Spoken to : Ranjit (M Rajan)

A felon Ranjit is being released from the prison. He had refused to divulge the details of the gang which manufactured and distributed spurious drugs during his entire term. The inspector had tried his best to get Ranjit to become an approver and confess the names of the people involved, but in vain. Finally as he releases him, he says

"lekin yaad rakho ranjit, jo haath angaare ko chhupaaye, angaaraa usee haath ko jalaa detaa hai. tum ek din zaroor pachhtaaoge"

"लेकिन याद रखो रंजीत, जो हाथ अंगारे को छुपाये, अंगारा उसी हाथ को जला देता है. तुम एक दिन ज़रूर पछताओगे"

Some secrets are better divulged before they consume the keeper of the secret. As Ranjit found out in this movie.

Usne kahaa thaa

Film : Usne Kaha Tha

Year of release : 1960

Spoken by : Nandu (Sunil Dutt)

Spoken to : Havaldar (Tarun Bose)

This Bimal Roy production based on Chandradhar Sharma Guleri's most famous short story 'Usne Kahaa Thaa' is not directed by Bimal Roy himself. He is merely the producer. It is directed by Moni Bhattacharjee. Although it is based on a very famous short story, I would prefer the other 1960 Bimal Roy film Parakh any day over this one. But I will write on that great film some other day. The story is about a simple village man Nandu who meets Kamli for the first time when both of them are kids. Nandu has a soft corner for the girl, but the girl Kamli leaves the village. She comes back years later as a beautiful young girl. It takes very little time for the love to be rekindled. However Nandu is a lotus eater, who depends on his mother Paro's (Durga Khote) sewing machine heroices to make his ends meet. Kamli's uncle refuses to accept Nandu's marriage proposal on this pretext. A disappointed Nandu goes and joins the Army. When he later comes back he is shocked to find that Kamli is now engaged to be married. What he does not know is that she is engaged to his boss the Havaldar. This is revealed to him at the railway station when the entire company is leaving Ambala Cantt to go to the Rangoon front to fight the Japanese. A tearful Kamli says to Nandu

"Nandu, jang pe jaa rahe ho...apnaa Khayaal rakhnaa aur ..."

Nandu asks her

"Aur kyaa?"

She says,

"unkaa Khayaal rakhnaa"

Nandu is mortally wounded in the battlefield while he is transporting a wounded Havaldar to safety. In the hospital, the Havaldar asks Nandu

"MaiN tumse ek baat poochhnaa chaahtaa hooN Nandu...tumne merii jaan bachaaii lekin mujhe bachaane ke liye tumne jaan boojh ke apnee zindagii Khatre meN kyoN Daalee"

"मैं तुमसे एक बात पूछना चाहता हूं नन्दू...तुमने मेरी जान बचाई लेकिन मुझे बचाने के लिये तुमने जान बूझके अपनी ज़िन्दगी ख़तरे में क्यों डाली?"

I think you would have guessed the response. Nandu says

"usne kahaa thaa"

"उसने कहा था"

and dies. So how far would you go on someone's say so. Far enough to endanger your life.

Aapkaa janeoo dikh rahaa hai

Film : Hera Pheri
Year of release : 1976
Spoken by : Ajay (Vinod Khanna)
Spoken to : Asha Khanna (SulakshaNa PanDit)

Ajay saves Asha from some goons who are trying to molest her. He manages to scare them off. However, the goons have torn Asha's clothes. And the audience can see the fat ugly bra strap that was common in the 1970s. But the line that Ajay delivers has to go down as a classic. He says

आपका जनेऊ दिख रहा है

Whenever I am faced with such a situation, I cannot but help remember this line. Whether I use it or not depends on how well I know the person in question. But the line crops up nonetheless and brings a smile to the face.

kitnee door hai babuji... hindustaan me to hai naa

Film: Laawaaris

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Heera (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to : Ranvir Singh (Amjad Khan)

This was Amitabh at his absolute peak. He just could do no wrong. But when you take the era out of the equation and see this film today, it is a film which deserves its rightful place in a trashcan. The film is about a bastard (laawaaris) who grows up to be Amitabh Bachchan. This one act turns the status of Laawaaris into 'hot'. Now everyone wants to disown their parents. Oh it is so fashionable to wallow in a sea of self pity. More about that wallowing later.

Both Mahender (Ranjeet) and Heera are Ranvir's sons. Mahender is the legal one and Heera is the illegal one. Neither Heera nor Ranvir are aware of this fact. Fate dishes up Heera to land up as an employee on Ranvir's estate. One day, when Dr Goyal (Om Prakash) finds that Ranvir has run out of his medicine, he asks Mahender to immediately get some stock. Mahender refuses to go on some flimsy pretext. Heera volunteers.

"Laaiye Doctor saahab; babuji is ghar me jab tak aapkaa ye naukar zindaa hai, aise kaamoN ke liye aapko koee takleef naheeN karnee paDegee, davaai maiN le aataa hooN"

"लाइये डॉक्टर साहब, बाबूजी इस घर में जब तक आपका ये नौकर ज़िन्दा है, ऐसे कामों के लिये आपको कोई तकलीफ़ नहीं करनी पडेगी, दवाई मैं ले आता हूं"

Ranvir says

'magar shahar bahut door hai"

Heera says

"kitnee door hai babuji... hindustaan me to hai naa"

"कितनी दूर है बाबूजी...हिन्दुस्तान में तो है ना?"

Often you find people finding excuses to turn a 'non-work' into a Herculean task. Here is a great line to trivialise a big job.

terii mayyat par zyaadaa bheeD naheeN lagegee

Film : Woodstock Villa

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Kaleem Bhai (Gulshan Grover)
Spoken to : Sameer (Sikandar Kher)

Kaleem Bhai has lent some money to Sameer. Since Sameer is behindhand on the payment, he comes and bashes him up regularly to serve as a payment due reminder. In one such instance, he says

"terii mayyat par zyaadaa bheeD naheeN lagegee...kyoNkii mardoN se too pehchaan banaataa naheeN hai aur auratoN ko shamshaan meN aane kee manaa hai"

"तेरी मय्यत पर ज़्यादा भीड़ नहीं लगेगी, क्योंकि मर्दों से तू पहचान बनाता नहीं है और औरतों को शमशान में आने की मना है"

It is quite surprising that inspite of the society having progressed so (women can go into space and onto moon); they still don't go to the graveyard.

Aadmii jo hai aur aadmii jo kartaa hai...aage chalkar donoN meN antar naheeN rehtaa

Film : Ardh Satya
Year of release : 1983
Spoken by : Jyotsana Gokhale (Smita Patil)
Spoken to : Anant Velankar (Om Puri)

This film was one of Govind Nihalani's rare films which was a commercial success too. It was a good film and a must watch for all fans of Hindi films. Jyotsana is a college lecturer who is in love with Anant Velankar (who is the 80s version of Inspector Vijay Khanna). She attends a conference on police brutality and excesses and comes back and asks Anant Velankar to leave his job. He protests at her attempt to paint all the policemen with the same brush. She says,

"Dekho aadmi jo hai, aur jo kartaa hai – aage chalkar donoN meN antar naheeN rahtaa. Odhii huyee manovratti bhee aadmi ko khaa letee hai"

"देखो आदमी जो है, और जो करता है - आगे चलकर दोनों में अंतर नहीं रहता. ओढी हुई मनोवृत्ति भी आदमी को खा लेती है"

She has been reading a lot of stuff related to police atrocities and is progressively getting repulsed by the police and policemen.

kaneez kee majbooree ko aarzoo naa samajhiye zill-e-ilaahii

Film : Mughal-e-Aazam
Year of release : 1960
Spoken by : Anarkali (Madhubala)
Spoken to : Akbar (Prithviraj Kapoor)

Anarkali says this to Akbar when he accuses her of having been a gold digger.

"Kaneez kee majboori ko aarzoo naa samajhiye zille ilaahee"
"कनीज़ की मजबूरी को आरज़ू ना समझिये ज़िल्ल-ए-इलाही"

Sometimes, the desire is so inveterate, that it takes the form of a compulsion.

tujhe maa chaahiye yaa chane

Film : Mother India

Year of release : 1957

Spoken by : Radha (Nargis)

Spoken to : Little Birju (Master Sajid)

After a flood in the village, Radha and her kids don't have anything to eat. The village moneylender Sukhilala (Kanhaiyyalal) is trying to sleep with Radha and is using food for her kids as the bait. In this scene, the 'Mother India' factor surfaces. He goes to the hut where the mother and her kids are cooped up. He tries to bribe the kids with some channa (gram). Here is the exchange

Sukhilala: khaanaa pak gayaa beTaa... pak gayaa...raam raam raam are ye kaisaa julam kar rahee ho tum chhoTe chhoTe bachchoN par. kyaa karooN meraa man hee aisaa hai ki kisee kaa dukh naheeN dekhaa jaataa. le beTaa. khaa le.

खाना पक गया बेटा...पक गया...राम राम राम,.. अरे ये कैसा जुलम कर रही हो तुम छोटे छोटे बच्चों पर. क्या करूं मेरा मन ही ऐसा है कि किसी का दुख नहीं देखा जाता. ले बेटा. खा ले.

Radha : phenk de chane ramu. phenk de

फेंक दे चने रामू. फेंक दे

Sukhilala: are tu kaisee maa ho radha. khaa le (as he feeds the younger son birju). shaabaash. is haath meN bhee le (stuffs some more food into the other hand as he sees a hungry birju accepting food and eating it)

अरे तू कैसी मा हो राधा. खा ले. शाबाश. इस हाथ में भी ले.

Radha : birju phenk de chane. phenk de... birju, tujhe maa chaahiye yaa chane.

बिरजू फेंक दे चने...फेंक दे...बिरजू, तुझे माँ चाहिये या चने.

At this Birjoo throws away the food and spits out what he was eating on Sukhilala's face.

Sukhilala : aay haay maa bete sabab sayaane . sabere tak tabeeyat thikaane ho jaayegee

True to his words, just as he leaves Birju collapses due to hunger. Eventually this forces a distraught Radha to go back to Sukhilala. But we will come to that some other time.

I do think however, if you use this line with a modern day kid, he is going to go for the 'chane' and not the 'ma'.

Yeh to cheating hai

Film : Road
Year of release : 2002
Spoken by : Babu (Manoj Bajpai)
Spoken to : Arvind Chauhan (Viveik Oberoi)

The road thriller once again. Arvind and Lakshmi have given a lift in their SUV to Babu. Once he is inside the vehicle, he says he is hungry. Arvind says they have some biscuits in the car. Babu is offended and says that biscuits are for dogs. He manages to convince them to stop at a roadside eatery (Dhaabaa). Do read this post for an interesting line when Babu orders food at the Dhaabaa.

When the couple realises that they have probably made a mistake by giving a lift to Babu, Lakshmi convinces Arvind to make some excuse and refuse to carry him any further. Arvind goes to Babu and says

"हमें राजगढ़ नहीं बस्सी जाना है"

And asks him to make his own arrangement. Babu comes up with this classic

"ये तो चीटिंग है"

He says that now that he has had a full meal and even gulped down a large glass of lassi (buttermilk), he cannot walk. And now Arvind tells him that he cannot give him a lift as originally planned. This according to him is 'cheating'.