kabhee kabhee daave dilchasp bhee huaa karte haiN

Film: Mughal-e-azam

Year of release: 1960

Spoken by : Salim (Dilip Kumar)

Spoken to : Bahar (Nigar Sultana)

The language used in this film is so beautiful that even straightforward lines become classics. The modern day 'get out' becomes - 'taKhaliyaa', the modern day 'shut up' becomes 'sukoot ho' and so on.

When the statue made by sangtaraash (Kumar) is to be unveiled, Bahar tells Salim

"sangtaraash kaa ye daavaa hai, ke jab ye mujassamaa benaqaab hogaa to..."

"संगतराश का ये दावा है, कि जब ये मुजस्समा बेनक़ाब होगा तो..."

And she pauses. Prince Salim urges her to go on

"beKhauf hokar kaho. kabhee kabhee daave dilchasp bhee huaa karte haiN"

"बेख़ौफ़ होकर कहो. कभी कभी दावे दिलचस्प भी हुआ करते हैं"

Such lines make you realise the power of words, the power of language. If language was all about communication, then we never really needed anything beyond sign language. It is a potent force. It can make you feel good. I am also reminded of a couplet by Javed Akhtar

"हम से दिलचस्प कभी सच्चे नहीं होते

अच्छे लगते हैं मगर अच्छे नहीं होते"

Joke sunaayaa iskaa ye matlab naheeN kee joke kar rahaa thaa

Film : Woodstock Villa
Year of release : 2008
Spoken by : Sameer (Sikandar Kher)
Spoken to : Jatin Kampani (Arbaaz Khan)

Woodstock Villa is a film noire - a dark film. You keep wondering about the protagonist's real motives. Sameer kidnaps Jatin's wife and when he gives him a ransom call, tells him a joke. Later he uses this line to ensure that Jatin gets serious.

"Joke sunaayaa iskaa ye matlab naheeN kee joke kar rahaa thaa"

"जोक सुनाया इसका ये मतलब नहीं कि जोक कर रहा था"

Jab sar kaTne vaalaa hai to daaDhee karane se kyaa faaydaa

Film: Contract

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Goonga (Upendra Limaye)

Spoken to : IB operative (Vikas Shrivastav)

Goonga is an underworld don - who is the government's favourite. The intelligence bureau is pinning its hopes on him to eliminate the rival dons (viz., RD and Sultan). He is paranoid about his security and he runs his business and home from a boat which keeps moving around in the sea. However, all his plans to assassinate his rival RD are failing. And he is losing a lot of his men too. He is in a pensive mood and fiddling around with his electric shaver - but not using it. The IB operative asks him

"Aajkal tu shave-wave naheeN kar rahaa?

To which he responds

"Ab sar kaTne vaalaa hai to daaDhee karane se kyaa faaydaa"

"अब सर कटने वाला है तो दाढ़ी करने से क्या फ़ायदा"

Paani aur tamannaaoN kee taaseer ek hai

Film : Jodha Akbar
Year of release : 2008
Spoken by : Sharifuddin Hussain (Nikitin Dheer)
Spoken to : Sujamal (Sonu Sood)

When Sujamal is not crowned as the King of Aamer (though rightfully he should have), he rebels and leaves his erstwhile kingdom. He starts lobbying with neighbouring kings for his right. One such king is Sharifuddin. He agrees to help Sujamal, but asks him point blank as to what he can expect in return. Sujamal agrees to do anything for him. Sharifuddin says he should help him to attack Agra (i.e. Akbar himself). Sujamal is surprised, since Sharifuddin is married to Akbar's sister. Sharifuddin responds with this flowery dialogue

"jaante hain Sujamal, paani aur tamannaaoN kee taaseer ek hai. Aage baDhte jaanaa. Ab hame mukammal hindustaan chaahiye"
"जानते हैं सुजामल, पानी और तमन्नाओं की तासीर एक है. आगे बढ़ते जाना. अब हमे मुकम्मल हिन्दुस्तान चाहिये"

This is so true. I don't know about 'paanii', but 'tamannaa' keeps on growing. I guess that is the key to all progress in this world. And will be the key to all destruction too!

dimaaG pe bojh naheeN Daalte

Film: Ek Chaadar Mailee Sii

Year of release: 1986

Spoken by : Tirloka (Kulbhushan KharbanDa)

Spoken to : Various characters

This is one of the underrated films of Bollywood. A story written by Rajinder Singh Bedi, screenplay by Phani Majumdar and cinematography by Shaji N Karun and of course, excellent performances by Hema Malini, Kulbhushan Kharbanda and Rishi Kapoor. This has excellent credentials. And it lives up to its potential. Do watch it if you already haven't. You will like it for its raunchy Punjabi humour, if not for everything else that I have listed.

On to the featured line now. this is the 'takiaa kalaam' or shibboleth that Tirloka uses in the film. He plays a chauvinistic, alcoholic and wife-beating horse buggy driver in this film. One night when he returns home, he has brought a chicken dish from the local restaurant. His wife asks him what has he brought. And he says

"दिमाग़ पे बोझ नहीं डालते"

which means, one should not needlessly tax one's brains. 'Take a chill pill' or 'cool it' are phrases which are close approximations. Now Tirloka is a character who puts his money where his mouth is. For sure, in this film, he does not tax his brains at all. He is satisfied with enjoying his alcohol and chicken and his wife Rani (Hema Malini) at regular intervals (probably daily). In a key turning point in the story, one day he sees a girl at the station whose brother has been left behind at an earlier station and she looks quite lost. He offers to take her to an inn run by Chaudhary. She objects saying she does not have any money. He again uses his favourite line

"दिमाग़ पे बोझ नहीं डालते. भाई कल आकर दे जायेगा"

The girl agrees. Later the Chaudhary rapes the girl and sends one of his men to get rid of her body in Tirloka's buggy. He tells Tirloka that the girl had an epileptic fit. Tirloka says that could be treated by getting the girl to smell a shoe (which is the native Indian treatment for epilepsy). Chaudhary says it could bring disrepute to the inn. Tirloka wonders how epilepsy can bring disrepute to an inn, but true to his wont - gives in with the line

"दिमाग़ पे बोझ नहीं डालते"

As it later turns out, he is killed because of this attitude. In hindsight, agar woh dimaaG par bojh Daal letaa to achchhaa hotaa. But then whenever you want to convince someone not to take things too seriously, this, is a great line to use.

Is aundhee duniyaa ko seedhaa dekhanaa ho to sar ke bal khaDaa honaa paDtaa hai

Film : Shree 420

Year of release : 1955

Spoken by : Raj (Raj Kapoor)

Spoken to : Police constable

This is the famous sequence where Raj is fooling around on the Mumbai beach and the police constable has been observing his antics for a while. He is standing on his head. The police constable asks him what he is doing. Raj says

"sachchee baat to ye hai havaldaar sahib ki is aundhee duniyaa ko seedhaa dekhanaa ho to sar ke bal khaDaa honaa paDtaa hai"

Akelee ladkee khulee huyee tijori kee tarah hotee hai

Film: Jab We Met

Year of release : 2007

Spoken by : Railway Waterstall owner (Asif Basra)

Spoken to : Geet Dhillon (Kareena Kapoor)

This is one of my favourite films. Great music (although most songs are copied or inspired) and very good performance by the protagonists. So when Geet Dhillon is going back to her home in Punjab, she is left behind at a railway station. The railway waterstall owner is a loafer. When he sees her predicament, he says this line

"Akelee ladkee khulee huyee tijori kee tarah hotee hai"

"अकेली लड़की खुली हुई तिजोरी की तरह होती है"

Majority dekhkar mai bhee usee side ho gayaa

Film : Anand

Year of release : 1971

Spoken by : Dr Prakash Kulkarni (Ramesh Deo)

Spoken to : Suman Kulkarni (Seema Deo)

Another great line from that all time classic - Anand. It is not a very well known fact that the dialogues of this film were written by Gulzar. But even when I did not know this fact, I could feel the poetry in the dialogues.

At a party, when Dr Bhaskar and Anand are egging Suman to sing a song by referring to her as Bhaabhii, her husband Prakash also says

"Haan haan bhaabhee"

which results in Suman's obvious displeasure and she says (as is her wont throughout the film) something in Marathi. A sheepish looking Prakash responds with

"Majority dekhkar maiN bhee usee side ho gayaa"

"मॅजॉरिटी देखकर मैं भी उसी साइड हो गया"

I don't know if you have been in a situation where you are taking the feedback from a group of people. Most of the times if there are ten people and seven people have gone in a particular way, the other three will surely veer to that side. Such is the power of majority.

Jab shaadi karne ke liye taiyyaar hooN to maut se kyaa Darnaa

Film : Jhoothi
Year of release : 1985
Spoken by : Rasik Lal (Deven Verma)
Spoken to : Kalpana Srivastav (Rekha)

Rasik Lal goes to meet Alpana (Kalpana's sister played by Prema Narayan). He is in love with Alpana and wants to marry her. But Kalpana is upto her pranks as usual. She gets two neighbourhood kids to call Alpana their mother. A visibly confused Rasik asks

31 Carter Road yahee hai?

३९ कार्टर रोड यही है ?

Kalpana further says that Alpana's first husband is slightly unhinged and can kill on an impulse. Rasik gets scared and runs away. When he later realises that it was Kalpana's prank, he goes back. When Kalpana sees him coming back, she once again tries to spin her old story. She says that Alpana's first husband would kill him. But this time Rasik doesn't fall for it. He says,

जब शादी करने के लिए तैयार हूँ तो मौत से क्या डरना

Jab shaadii karne ke liye taiyyaar hooN to maut se kyaa Darnaa

Faisle naheeN unke nateeje Galat hote haiN

Film: Contract

Year of release : 2008

Spoken by : Amaan Ali Yusuf (aka Aman Mallik played by Adhvik Mahajan)

Spoken to : Ahmad Hussain (Prasad Purandare)

Contract is Ramgopal Varma's take on Govind Nihalani's Drohkaal. It is 1 hour too long. On second thoughts make that 2 hours. Jokes apart, the film could have been redeemed with tighter exposures. RGV is full of bluster and arrogance on his blog, when he says that a film is supposed to be the director's view and he cannot really take into account people's likes and dislikes. I agree with him. But Mr Varma, can you please keep the camera on the 0 feet above sea level and please switch on the tubelights on the set. I try to switch on all the tubelights in my house, but as Javed Akhtar said

"Aasoodgee se dil ke sabhee daaG dhul gaye

lekin wo kaise jaaye jo sheeshe meN baal hai"

"आसूदगी से दिल के सभी दाग़ धुल गये

लेकिन वो कैसे जाये जो शीशे में बाल है"

All the tubelights in my house cannot undo the total darkness on the screen. But then I am digressing. The protagonist has been planted by a top police operative in the terrorist camp and halfway through the film the police operative (Ahmad Hussain) asks the protagonist Amaan :

"tumheN kabhee aisaa lagaa hai ki tumne Galat faislaa kiyaa hai?"

Aman responds

"Faisle naheeN unke nateeje Galat hote haiN"

"फ़ैसले नहीं उनके नतीजे ग़लत होते हैं"

This is so true. Whenever we call a decision as wrong - it is with hindsight. And hindsight as they say has 20/20 vision.

Us waqt tumhaare paas choice naheeN thii

Film : Road
Year of release : 2002
Spoken by : Babu (Manoj Bajpai)
Spoken to : Lakshmi (Antara Mali)

This was a line that I was looking for a long long time. It has special relevance for me. I will tell you why, later.

Road is a thriller which, as the name suggests, revolves around a road journey which becomes a nightmare. Babu, a criminal, takes a lift from Arvind (Vivek Oberoi) and Lakshmi. Halfway through the journey, he hijacks the Tata Safari along with Lakshmi, leaving Arvind stranded in the middle of the highway. He also develops a liking for Lakshmi and asks her would she have chosen Arvind if she had met both Babu and Arvind at the same time. As he puts it while describing the situation,

"तो तुम किसे पसन्द करतीं, उसे...या मुझे...उस वक़्त तुम्हारे पास चॉइस नहीं थी...सोच में पड़ गयी ना, जब चुनने का वक़्त आया...चॉइस चॉइस की बात है"

"to tum kise pasand karteeN, use ya mujhe...us waqt tumhaare paas choice naheeN thii. soch meN paD gayeeN naa, jab chunane kaa waqt aayaa. choice choice kee baat hai"

I have worked in the insurance industry where for over 50 years, the customers had only one service provider - LIC. And while peddling the private insurers products I often tell people, that they bought LIC when they did because

उस वक़्त उनके पास चॉइस नही थी

Aap convince ho gaye, ya maiN aur bolooN

Film : Jab We Met

Year of release : 2007

Spoken by : Geet Dhillon

Spoken to : Ticket checker

Any sales guy would have gone through this feeling some time or the other in his life. When you try and convince a prospect, you keep wondering whether you have said enough. Indian prospects are particularly cryptic. Since we Indians do not like saying 'No', we try and find a thousand mechanisms to defer and delay without saying a straightforward no. In such situations, I think this is a good line to use.

The scenario is that Aditya (Shahid Kapoor) is sitting on a train berth looking totally disappointed and dejected. He has lost in love and hence all desire to live too. Geet is another passenger in this coach. She has constantly been trying to engage him in lively banter. He has been absolutely oblivious to her. When the ticket checker arrives, it is discovered that Aditya is WT (or without ticket). Geet pleads Aditya's case with the TC. She is trying to talk him into taking a lenient view of Aditya's ticketless travel. After she has spoken for about 60 seconds in her garrulous style, she pauses to check if her pleas have registered. She says,

"आप कंविंस हो गये, या मैं और बोलूं?"

"Aap convince ho gaye, yaa maiN aur bolooN"

Yeh ...to peT meN daaDhee rakhtee hai

Film : Jhoothi
Year of release : 1985
Spoken by : Seema's mother (Dina Pathak)
Spoken to : Kalpana Srivastav (Rekha)

Kalpana pretends as if Dr Anil Gupta was a man of bad character to wriggle out of a tight situation. Later when Seema (Supriya Pathak)'s mother (played by Dina Pathak) finds out that she had lied about Dr. Anil. She remarks

ये लडकी तो पेट में दाढी रखती है

which is used to indicate a person who is precocious. Someone who looks young but shows the wisdom of an old person.